I'm sick of this
by Darev
Summary: Yumi is angry. They've lost William, they've lost Lyoko and things are not going so well at home. My Yumi oneshot.


**Well here is the third installment of my CL Oneshots. Just like "It's not that I don't like you" and "I didn't ask for this", it begins the same but splits off into Yumi's point of view. Remember how she just left her little brother alone at the house when she wasn't supposed to? Bad move. And what about Ulrich? Why did she just blow up in his face like that? Well know we'll know.**

**-Knight

* * *

**

"It has to be a trick. No way Franz got out of Lyoko in time before Xana deleted it." Ulrich's comment fell on deaf ears as all attention was focused on Jeremie who was working on his laptop. "Hey! Did any of you guys hear me? Xana's feeding us faulty information. Don't fall for it."

Odd looked over his shoulder at Ulrich. "And why would Xana do that? He's already kicked our ass, taken possession of William and destroyed the Heart of Lyoko. As far as he's concerned we're no threat."

"He's right, Ulrich." Now it was Yumi's turn. "Right now there's no way we could possibly fight Xana. He's free to roam the Internet at will."

"Which means we can't do a damn thing to stop him." Odd continued. "He's probably forgotten all about us right now. Besides, Jeremie would know if it's a fake. Ain't that right, Einstein?"

Einstein was Odd's nickname for the young genius that was Jeremie Belpois. It was an accurate description as Jeremie was an intellectual prodigy at Kadic Academy, receiving some of the highest grades in the school's history. He was the brains of the group, the guy that came up with all the strategies and plans for their war against Xana. He always had an answer for everything and could figure out a counter to all of Xana's ploys.

Jeremie was sitting on the rugged old couch that was left abandoned in the Hermitage living room. His face was stern as his eyes scanned the screen before him. Jeremie stopped momentarily to fix his glasses. "Nope. This is definitely the real deal." He looked up. "This message was sent from Franz Hopper via the Internet. Somehow he managed to escape before Lyoko was deleted."

"If we had more time we would have been able to virtualize him." Aelita stated. A heavy sadness overtook her. If Jeremie was the brains of the outfit then Aelita was the heart. She had brought them all together as a team and as friends. Without her, none of them would be here right now. The only person missing from her life now was Franz Hopper, her father and the creator of Lyoko. He was Xana's sworn enemy and the reason he destroyed the virtual world in the first place. So long as he lived he was a threat to the malevolent super virus and the only thing preventing it from destroying the world.

"I'm sorry, Aelita." Jeremie said. "I tried my best but Xana was just too strong. He's always been two steps ahead of me."

"Don't beat yourself up, Jeremie. We're the ones who've been getting our butts handed to us every time we fight him." Yumi said. "If anyone's to blame it's us." She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry. It's my fault."

"Come again?" Odd asked.

"I'm the one that suggested we bring William into the group. If it hadn't been for him Lyoko would still be around and Franz Hopper would be here with us." Her hands clenched into vengeful fists. "I was so stupid to trust him. That jerk!"

"We all trusted him." Aelita said. "He betrayed all of us, Yumi, not just you."

"I'd love to get my hands on the bum." Odd punched his fist into his palm. "Teach him a thing or two about backstabbing your friends."

"He was never my friend. I knew he was trouble from day one."

Yumi flashed Ulrich a suggestive glare. "Is that the only reason?"

Embarrassed, Ulrich turned away. "Of course. What else would there be?"

Yumi sighed and crossed her arms before turning back to Jeremie. Aelita and Odd exchanged exasperated glances as this was nothing new. Ulrich and Yumi obviously had it bad for one another but were too dumb-and stubborn-to do anything about it. Too often their on again/off again relationship hampered the team's effectiveness and even more often aggravated the hell out of the others. If they were to just put their differences aside they would make a great couple. But try telling that to the two most prideful people any of them had ever met.

"William was under Xana's control. Need I remind you that he's done the same thing to each of us on separate occasions. Does that mean we should go pointing fingers at one another every time we screw up? No." Jeremie eyed each of them before continuing. "William was green and inexperienced, completely unprepared for the world we brought him into. The same could have happened to Jim, or Herb, or Sissi! He was cocky, I'll admit, but haven't we all at one point thought ourselves indestructible? Let me remind each of you that William Dunbar, a living, breathing human being, is no longer with us. While it's easy for us to blame him for everything that's happened it is he that's paid the ultimate price. He's gone. A prisoner of Xana. God only knows what's happened to the poor guy. What will we tell his parents? While not technically dead he just as well may be."

Aelita could see the turmoil in Jeremie's face. He was fighting back tears, she realized. As leader, Jeremie was responsible for each and every one of them. He felt that William's "demise" was on his shoulders and he blamed himself for it. She sat down beside him and placed a hand on a slightly bobbing shoulder. "Jeremie…"

"He's gone. We have no right to pass judgment on him for what's happened. He wasn't ready. We should not have brought him in. I should have," Tears streamed down his eyes and he could no longer speak. Aelita threw her arms around him and began to cry along with him. The others were speechless. They had never thought to think about the repricutions for William. He willingly chose to go to Lyoko. He knew the dangers. Well, maybe he didn't, but he was their responsibility. Who were they to judge him? He was just a kid. Like them. And now he was gone.

"Jeremie, we're sorry." Yumi began. "We didn't mean,"

Jeremie was too far in despair to hear them. He began to convulse with sobs and Aelita turned to the others. The look in her eyes told them everything they needed to know. In silence, Odd, Ulrich and Yumi left the two alone. Aelita put the laptop to the side and returned to hugging Jeremie. She stayed with him through the late hours. He cried and he cried but Aelita never left his side. It's times like these when one needed a true friend. Aelita was all that to Jeremie and more…even though he did not know it.

* * *

Yumi left the hermitage with a heavy heart. They all did, but she bore a weight that the others did not. She had been the one who brought William into the group. She was against it at first but circumstances forced her to put aside her pride and acknowledge the fact that they needed help. William proved useful before so why not him? 

_Why not him?_

_Jeremie…_

He had taken it harder than anyone. Jeremie had been their leader and it was his decision that sent William into Lyoko. He wasn't ready, but they needed his help. Had it been her, or Ulrich, or Odd then maybe things would have turned out differently. They would never have fallen for Xana's ploy. His overconfidence proved his downfall. None of this was their fault. So why did she feel so guilty.

_Because you could have said no._

_But we needed help._

_When did you ever need help, Yumi?_

_We were a team._

_Minus one._

_I had to look out for my brother._

_He was safe at home!_

_My parents would not have approved._

_And you think William's parents will approve him being dead?_

The little voice in her head won this discussion.

There will be inquires. Police will try to discern the whereabouts of William Dunbar. There would be questioning. Yumi will have to lie to protect their secret. She had to lie. She always lied. She hated lying! She hated all the secrets! She hated the battles! She hated Xana! She hated this life!

_It could be me next time._

The thought terrified her. Never had she felt so vulnerable as she did right now. Yumi had faced near-death situations before but she never considered the repercussions. If she died, who would tell her parents? The gang wouldn't. They would never betray their secret. They were all expendable. Nothing but weapons in a war whose foundations were set before they were even born. If Franz Hopper had never created the damn supercomputer in the first place then none of this would have happened. It was all his fault. HE was the one responsible for William's death. HE was why she hated who she had become. How she despised that man at this moment. Too bad he wasn't around for her to vent her frustrations.

"This sucks!" Odd blurted out.

Yumi and Ulrich stopped walking and looked at Odd who held his hands firmly at his side, fists clenched. Seems Yumi wasn't the only one with demons on her shoulder. She glanced over at Ulrich who stared at his friend sympathetically. He was hurting too. But were they for the same reasons as her? How did Ulrich feel about all this? About William? About Xana? About her?

_It could have been him._

She winced and turned away. Yumi crossed her arms and stared at the ground. From the side of her eye she saw Ulrich turn to her but she did not look back. She couldn't. Nervously, she began to shift from one foot to the other.

"Guys, I've gotta split."

Ulrich and Yumi looked up at the blonde as he turned to them. "I'll catch up with you tomorrow, alright? If you see Jeremie again tell him I said I was sorry and that it was not his fault."

He was about to leave when Ulrich stopped him. "Odd."

"Huh?"

"You okay?"

"Sure. It's just…well."

Yumi sensed the urgency in Odd's voice but her worry got the better of her. "Something bothering you?" She knew it was an obvious question but perhaps if someone talked about their concerns first she would be able to relieve herself of her own.

"It's nothing. Look, I've really gotta go. I'll see you back at the dorm, Ulrich." He turned and ran off. "Yumi, good night!"

Good night? She looked up. It was getting dark and she had been gone for a long time. Her parents should be home by now. Hiroki would be by himself. Oh no…

"What do you think that was all about, Yumi?" Ulrich asked.

"I don't know." She didn't bother to look up and massaged her left arm nervously.

"Yumi, something wrong?"

"A lot of things are wrong now, Ulrich." She said a bit harshly. She could not do this. Despite all the penting anger inside of her she, she found herself unable to express it. How alike she and Ulrich were. Too stubborn and proud to express their feelings. She hated that too.

Ulrich sighed. "Look, I know what happened to William was…well, tragic, but we can't just,"

"Is that what you think this is about?!" She snapped at him.

Ulrich winced and fell back a step. "Wha…"

He was so one-dimensional. "It's not just William." She lifted her gaze to face him. It took every ounce of discipline she had to keep from crying but the more she looked at Ulrich the more she felt her resolve wavering. "Everything that's happened has been one disaster after another. Ever since Jeremie found that damned supercomputer our lives have become a living hell. I can't sleep. My grades have been falling. My parents are suspicious of everything I do. I'm on threat of expulsion because of my excessive absences." She began to squeeze her arm. "I can't take this anymore!"

He tried to speak. "Yumi, I," But she would have none of it.

"Oh shut it! I'm in no mood for your patronizing." She scowled at him. If she could not talk to Ulrich Stern then she would yell at him. Why? Because he was there and she was pissed! And by God she needed to vent! "I'm sick of this, Ulrich! I'm sick of Xana, sick of Lyoko, sick of this team, sick of the lying, the sneaking, the fear of not knowing whether I'll live to see tomorrow." She pointed to herself. "I almost died a few weeks back. Do you have any idea how scary that is? No, you wouldn't. Because while you're busy being brave and macho, I'm the one with her ass on the line. Xana wants to kill me, has _tried_ to kill me, and I'm not going to give him another chance."

It felt good…at first.

Ulrich reached out to her but she turned away. She couldn't bear to look at him now. She couldn't understand why she was so angry at him. He was a good man. Somebody who cared for her and probably loved her. But after all that happened. All that did _not_ happen. Yumi was just so angry. Poor Ulrich. He didn't deserve this. But she didn't care. She just didn't care.

"What is wrong with you? Yumi, talk to me."

"No, Ulrich." She slowly turned around, the tears flowing freely. "Because I'm sick of you most of all."

Crying, Yumi Ishiyama turned and ran off in the direction of home. She just wanted to get as far away from Ulrich, from everything as fast as possible. Her long legs carried her a great distance already but she heard him anyway. His voice carried on the wind. "What did I do?! Huh?! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS, EITHER!"

_I know you didn't. None of us did. Oh, Ulrich._

Yumi ran faster as if that would somehow help her escape all her problems.

* * *

The lights inside the Ishiyama household turned on when Yumi finally gathered up the courage to go inside. She had been waiting beyond the front gate for a long time, crouching, hugging her knees, catching her breath from the prolonged run she had taken to get away from Ulrich. But it was more than that, she realized. Yumi was afraid of facing her parents. To say they would be mad was an understatement. Duty to family overruled all obligations in Japanese society. Her duty was to look after her brother and by helping her friends she had deliberately disobeyed her parents, a major taboo in her culture. She was so tired that she did not have the strength to face them or the taunting remarks of her annoying little brother, Hiroki. 

But she couldn't stay outside forever and it was getting cold. Night was falling.

Yumi opened the door and stepped inside.

Her mother was the first to greet her. "Yumi?" She appeared at the end of the hall, a worried look dominating her face. "Yumi!" She rushed for her, arms outstretched to embrace her daughter. Yumi did not react when Mrs. Ishiyama hugged her. Her body stood prone like a limp doll swaying only with the gentle motions of the woman that held it. She usually found solace in her mother's embrace, but Yumi was so detached that she barely felt her even though Mrs. Ishiyama was squeezing her very tightly.

Pulling back, Mrs. Ishiyama looked into her daughter's face. "Yumi, where have you been? We were so worried."

"I was…" Yumi paused. "Helping my friends."

She caught movement down the hall. Hiroki stood with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face. He didn't take kindly to being fooled by his big sister before she ran out on him. Now it was payback time. "You're in big trouble, Yumi."

Yumi curled an eyebrow at him but just then a larger figure stepped up behind Hiroki. If there was anything more terrifying to her than Xana it was her own father. In this household, his word was law and by breaking it she had just gotten herself into a whole world of trouble. Mister Ishiyama had his hands on his hips, his face a look of pent-up rage and frustration.

"Hi, daddy." She said in a very low voice.

Hiroki giggled. "Big trouble."

"Hiroki." Mr. Ishiyama said. "Go upstairs."

"Aw." He turned to plead. "But I want to give her a piece of my mind too."

"Now!" He barked.

The boy sighed and turned to leave. Before he left, however, he just had to give Yumi the cockiest stare she had ever seen. This was his way of getting back at her. Who did she think she was just leaving him all alone? Not that he could not take care of himself but still. Hiroki stuck out his tongue and pulled down the bottom of his eye before he left.

Alone with her executioners, Yumi steeled herself for what she knew would come next.

"I'm sorry. I know you told me to watch Hiroki but Jeremie called and I,"

"Jeremie?" Her father asked.

"The French boy." Mrs. Ishiyama told him. "He's the one with the glasses."

"You mean the one that doesn't look like a hoodlum."

"Daddy…"

"Be quiet, Yumi. I am so mad I don't even know where to begin. You have been lying to us ever since you joined that group of _gaijin_."

"Actually dear, technically we're the gaijin here." Yumi's mom said. "We're the ones who moved to France so,"

"Not now, Ryoko." He spat. As an obedient Japanese woman, she quieted herself immediately. He returned his gaze to his daughter. "So you were off helping your friends were you? What exactly were you helping them with?"

Damn, she thought. This was the part where she had to lie. "I was…that is…" She couldn't do this anymore. But she could not betray their secret. Torn between her loyalty to her friends and her duty to her family, Yumi did the only thing she could think of. She spoke not a word. She would not lie. She would not reveal. Yumi was cornered and she knew it.

"Well?" Mr. Ishiyama pressed.

"You can tell us, Yumi." Said her mother.

Yumi just shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry. Is that all you have to say?!"

Ryoko touched Yumi's shoulder. She felt her daughter cringe. Why was she so afraid? No. She was ashamed. Yumi was fighting an internal battle right now. "Yumi. What is wrong? You can tell us."

"That's just it, mom. I can't."

"And why not?"

Ryoko turned to her husband. "Yoshiro, please stop."

"I want her to tell me the truth."

"Can't you see she's scared?"

"As she should be."

"Listen to yourself. Our own daughter is afraid to talk to us, Yoshiro. Don't you find something wrong with that?"

Yoshiro's nostrils flared. "I am her father and when I ask her a question I expect an answer. Now are you going to tell me the truth," he pointed at Yumi. "Or not?"

_Depends. Would you even believe me?_

"She doesn't want to talk about it."

"That is not up to her."

"She's your daughter."

"Then she should act like it."

"Yoshiro!"

"You're actually defending her?"

"Someone has to."

Yoshiro balled his fists. "This is my house and I expect to be obeyed."

"We're your family not your servants."

"Don't talk that way to me."

"It's my house too."

"Really? I didn't see you pay a dime."

"How dare,"

"Stop it! Stop it both of you!" Yumi had been silent for the better part of the argument, preferring her father's anger being directed somewhere other than herself. But now the fight had become about them. The Ishiyamas have had problems of late. Of course they were adapt at keeping those issues to themselves. Anyone outside this house would see a happy, productive family without a care in the world. Yumi knew the truth however. She guessed Hiroki may have figured it out too but he was too young to understand what was really going on. This family was falling apart and Yumi had somehow become the cause of it.

"I'm sick of you fighting. Stop acting like your lives are the only ones that matter in this house!"

"Don't take that tone with me, Yumi." Yoshiro warned.

"Or what? You'll beat me?" She dared to say. "I thought that kind of action was beneath us. 'Suitable for only gaijin', I recall you saying."

Yoshiro was taken aback. Never had Yumi spoken like this to him before. She was usually so quiet and obedient, like a respectable daughter should be. What had changed in his little _neko_? It those friends of hers. It had to be. Spending time with those miscreants had turned her against him. He knew he should have sent her to school in Japan.

"Well I've got new for you dad. _I_ have a life too and sometimes it doesn't involve around what _you_ like. My friends needed me. Hiroki's alright. I'm back home. Can't we just leave it at that?"

Her father's face became one of building anger and profound confusion. Mrs. Ishiyama seemed ready to faint. Yumi, on the other hand, showed no signs of backing down. It was all out in the open so there was no turning back.

"I am fourteen years old. I make mistakes but they're mine and not yours. My friends care about me and they would never do anything to harm me. But you wouldn't understand because you don't take the time to get to know them. You just judge everything and everyone around you according to the laws of your world and if it doesn't fit then you automatically label it as wrong. Am I wrong for helping my friends when they needed me? Am I wrong for keeping their secrets? I thought honor was the foundation of a noble society, father. If you knew what I was doing, if you only knew what sacrifices I made then,"

SLAP!

Silence.

Ryoko's mouth fell open.

So did Yumi's.

Yoshiro's, however, was hidden behind grit teeth.

Yumi raised her hand to her stinging cheek. Her father hit her. He had never done that before. It hurt. In more ways than one she felt nothing but the worst of pains.

"Yoshiro." Ryoko began.

Yoshiro lowered his hand but continued to glare at his daughter. "Don't you ever speak back to me again. I am your father!"

Yumi raised her eyes to him but no matter of pouting would soften the fire in his eyes. "Now go to your room while I decide your punishment."

Fighting back the tears, Yumi rushed up the stairs. The door to her room slammed shut a moment later. Ryoko faced her husband. "How could you."

"Not now, Ryoko." He turned his back on her. "That girl must learn her place. If you tried to be more of a mother instead of her friend she would know it by now." Before she could protest he continued. "I'm at work most of the day. I can't be expected to keep our daughter in line while trying to put food on the table as well. It's your job to keep Yumi in line. Look how disrespectful she's become. She's an embarrassment to the Ishiyama name."

Ryoko gasped. "You don't mean that."

"You see. This is exactly she is the way she is. You're too soft on her, Ryoko. That's going to change." Mr. Ishiyama stormed off to his private study to finish off some work. Ryoko wiped the budding tears in her eyes. It amazed her how the man she married could be so cold at times. It was a habit becoming far too often nowadays. Why was this happening to them? To her?

* * *

Yumi skipped dinner that night. Too much had happened and she had lost her appetite. She showered and readied herself for bed. Her parents stayed downstairs and she purposely avoided Hiroki. She did not offer him a mere glance even when he had tried to talk to her. She was just to mad to care about anyone else's feeling tonight. Hiroki, her mother, her father, Ulrich…_just leave me alone!_

She found sleep hard to come by, tossing and turning for twenty minutes. At the end of her wrestling contest with the sheets, which she had lost, Yumi sat up. It was dark and the house was quiet. Nobody to keep her company except her concerns. How lovely?

Her cell vibrated next to her futon. Guess she forgot to turn it off. Though who would be calling her this time of night was beyond her. Or was it?

_Who else would it be?_

"Hello." She asked after picking it up.

"Yumi." A voice said on the other end.

"Ulrich, is that you?" _Stupid! Of course it's him!_

"Yeah, Yumi. It's me. I…I need to talk with you...about what you said."

Yumi sighed. She was way too tired to have this conversation. "Listen, Ulrich," She began.

"What did you mean by all that?" He cut her off. "Why are you so angry with me?"

"Ulrich, it's late."

"Yumi, stop avoiding the question. What's wrong? Is it William?"

Yumi sighed and pulled the phone away from her. "I don't need this now."

"Yumi?"

"I'm here."

"Is it William?" He repeated.

That was just the start. "Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"What happened to William was…bad…very bad." William's face appeared in her mind. She found her heart wrenching at the thought of him._ He was one of us._ "I miss him." She confessed.

"You do?"

"Yes. And it's not like that, Ulrich. I admit I liked the guy at first and then he got on my nerves. But I never wanted this to happen. Neither did you."

"Of course not."

Well at least he was being honest this time. "Losing one of us to Xana. It was just too much to take."

"That still doesn't explain why you blew up on me."

"I didn't mean to." _Did I?_

"You don't sound sure."

"_Anata desu hayai."_ She said in her native tongue. Just like a boy. Never knowing how to take a hint.

"Don't speak Japanese. Talk to me straight up, Yumi."

She groaned. "I was angry. After everything that happened I was angry and I just took it out on you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but…"

"But…" Ulrich pushed.

"Ulrich, I'm tired. Can't we talk about this tomorrow?"

"There may not be a tomorrow."

"What?" What in the world did he mean by that?

"I need to hear this from you. Tell me what's bothering you. We may not get another chance like this."

"What are you talking about?"

"Please. Just tell me."

"I can't believe this." She sighed. "You want to know what's bothering me?"

"Yes."

So be it. "Everything! We lost to Xana, Ulrich. We lost Lyoko, we lost William and if we're not careful we'll something more."

"Like what?"

"Our lives. Ulrich, we're human. William's demise goes to prove how fragile we really are. We've been lucky so far but I'm afraid that sometime one of us, out of the original group, is going to join William. Anyone of us can be next and I'm not sure I can face that. I want a normal life, Ulrich. I don't want to worry about looking over my shoulder wondering if a Xana-possessed human is going to crack my skull open or electrocute me to death. I don't want to worry about a motor a car running me over on the sidewalk or some gray mist turning me inside out. I want my parents to trust me again. I want to live in a world where my only worry is studying for the next exam. I just want us to be normal again, Ulrich. Don't you feel the same way?"

There was silence on the other end. Had she struck a cord in him? Did he finally understand her frustration? That it wasn't really him that she was mad at?

"I…I don't feel the same way, Yumi."

She couldn't believe it. "Liar!" She cried. Ulrich was so full of himself. "That's why I'm so mad at you. You never say what you feel."

"Huh?"

"_Baka!_" She spat. "I'm sick of talking to you, Ulrich Stern. Go to bed. We have school tomorrow and I can't be late anymore."

"But we haven't finished talking."

"Yes we have. Good night!" She hung up. "Stupid Ulrich!" Shutting her phone off, Yumi curled up in her sheets and tried to shut off the final moments of that pointless conversation out of her head. Her body was just so jittery that she could not imagine going to sleep anytime soon. "Stupid Ulrich." She said again as if berating him would somehow ease her pain. Growling, Yumi fell to her back. She began to rub her stomach. Her mother used to do this to help her fall asleep when she was a child.

_Wait a minute. Oh no!_

Of all the things going wrong in her life these little _incidents_ were not helping. Yumi reached down past her waistline and felt moistness. It wasn't the pleasant kind, however.

Looks like she wasn't a child anymore.

* * *

**And that's Yumi's part. A little more insight into what's going on with our Japanese princess. As for my Japanese let me point out that I'm still learning so for those of you fluent please feel free to correct me. As usual, _Baka_** **means stupid or fool. _"Anata des hayai". _I was trying to make Yumi say, "You are slow", indicating her frustration with him. If I said it wrong let me know.**

**Jeremie and Aelita will be next and final in my oneshots.**


End file.
